Kids..

This post is going to be all over, cuz that's how my mind works. Wow, so much to say about kids, mainly about raising them. It's weird how in the past two days or in the past year, I've talked more about having and raising kids than ever before. But like my friend says, "We don't even have boyfriends yet!" Haha.

Anyways, first off, Jamie Lynn Spears is preggers. Omg. Wow. What a mother, I'd die of embarrassment if I was their mother. First Britney, now JL. Seriously. And I would conclude that I am a complete failure as a mother. I was saying how her mom should help her raise her baby since she's so young, and then I realized that she's probably not that great of a mother because of this whole situation and perhaps she shouldn't help out. But I am not a mother yet, so who am I to judge? It's so easy to pass judgment onto others and ignore our own faults. Like the Bible says: remove the plank from our own eyes before removing the speck from our brothers.

Anyways, I was chatting with a friend about this, and she brought up something about how in.. Denmark(?) their teen pregnancy rate is much lower. And the supposed reason behind that is that it's more liberal there, people talk about pre-marital sex, it's not something kids need to hide from their parents. And since it's more accepted, I guess, people seek the proper action.. Like here, abstinence is preached all the time (is it really??) and kids don't know the alternative or what to do if they were to choose to engage in sex. But I disagree. I don't think it's that simple. I feel preaching abstinence is the right thing to do, but at the same time that's not all we should focus on. We should let kids be aware of the action they should take if they were to engage in sex and the consequences that could come about. I'm not sure about health-ed all across America, but I do not remember getting preached about abstinence. And I do recall the stuff about safe sex. The STDs and such. And I feel parents need to take responsibility to talk to their kids about whatever their beliefs are. Parents provide a solid foundation for the kids. Maybe we could be more liberal and talk about sex at school, but that's no reason to stop preaching about abstinence. I don't know. It's hard, and it's hard to pass or not pass judgment on people.


Second, I was at Souplantation today and in the middle of my lunch, masses of middle schoolers interrupted. Well, not interrupted per se, but at least... 20 of them came. And being from CV/Del Mar, super rich and snobby. Like decked out in abercombie, and freaking Coach bags. And middle school, right? Freaking had those big purses with their binders in it, IT'S CALLED A BACKPACK, USE IT! And each of them matched perfectly, with their make up all perfect. They're in middle school! Seriously, I don't want some snobby kid. And quite a few of them were in pajama bottoms with their Uggs. And the thing that bugs me about rich fake girls in their PJ bottoms is that they'll be like, "Oh. Em. Gee. I woke up so late, didn't have time to get dressed, that's why I look disgusting in the my PJs" Yeah, too bad your make up's all done. Bet you were really rushed. Fake. And then these boys were next to our table talking about a girl who was a slut. How do you even know what a slut is in middle school? Or maybe not know, but how are you a slut in middle school? And then one boy goes, "She's not a slut. She's a wannabe slut!" Uh... what is a wannabe slut? And why the heck would you want to be a slut?! Anyways, I just hope my kid doesn't become all spoiled and bratty , asking me for Coach bags and stuff. Seriously. And maybe it's more extreme where I'm from and all. Going to high school with kids that drove Beemers, Hummers, total a car, get a new one the next week. Girls having Coach, LV bags. Man, so fake. And now that I think about it, I'm disgusted. So shallow. Seriously, forget Laguna beach, film something called Torrey Pines. And I'm seriously grateful for all the opportunities this school has providing me, but the shallow plastic girls. Oh man, it's one thing I'm glad to be out of. It's kinda like Mean Girls.. Well, maybe not. But they're definitely shallow like them.. I hope my kid does not get sucked into it. And if they did, too bad cuz I'm not getting them a Coach bag. But then I hope my kid doesn't act out cuz they're not getting what they want. Ugh.

Lastly, I talked to another friend about gays, bis, lesbians, and transgenders. And there's some new CA state law that if a child declares themselves as another gender from their sex, it's illegal for the parent or school to deny them that. And I can relate to that (not personally.. haha), but I've seen plenty of shows/documentaries about people who truly feel that they're the opposite gender trapped in the wrong body. But many times parents try to deny it, or seek counseling or whatever because it's not in the social norm. And it has cost kids' lives, like they'll commit suicide because of how unhappy they are. So I think this can be a true... biological thing? But that doesn't make it any easier to accept as a parent. And I was just talking to my friend about how he would handle that, would he allow his kids to live the gender they feel that they are, or try to change it? Cuz on some levels he believes it's something people can change, and they're environment affects them. But anyways, his respond was, "I think I'd kill myself." Haha. Way to avoid it, take the easy way out. Or maybe not the easy way, but avoiding it. But I feel like it's not an environment or social affect. Because if it were, just cuz gays/bis/lesbos/trans are all not part of the social norm, wouldn't there be none of them left? Wouldn't they all become straight cuz that's how society raises people? So I disagree. I do believe some people are affected by society, but there are plenty of people who can't change who they are or who they like. And instead of passing judgment on them, we should love them all the same. But it would be hard to accept that in a child, the transgender thing... cuz then they might get a sex change, and it'd just be totally weird. Like..."I remember when I got that ultrasound and it showed that little boy... and now he's a... girl..." Hmm.

I just hope my kids turn out okay. When I have kids that is. So after I get married, and after I get a boyfriend. One step at a time. Haha

P.S. I'm so bored at home!! Can't you tell? Haha.

Sooooo... my knee hurts. :( I'm just sitting here, and it's in pain. Oh well. I'm thinking about calling my PT when I get back to SD and have him check it out.

On another note, I was contemplating living with frisbee girls next year. But I don't think so anymore. I love all of them, but I need to keep my life separated.

I am excited for some pick-up/scrimmage tomorrow. I like playing co-ed. It's a lot different, but it's refreshing and fun. But the guys throw it so fast, and it's hard to catch those cuz I'm not fast enough. But it's a really nice change to be able to receive again, I love it. Maybe some day I'll be able to receive and run those disc down. It was funny, I was guarding Barnesy (and no one wants to guard her cuz she's super FAST!) and then somehow we switched and ended up not guarding each other. And I was like, Yes! And she also said something like that. But I quickly told her that the reason I didn't want to guard her was nothing about her, just that she's super fast and burns people every time. And she's like, Oh no, I'm happy about not having to guard you cuz you always jump super high and get the discs. So it was a relief on both of our parts. Haha.

Handling is a lot of fun, but I don't get the same high from it. Well, we'll see. But I'm really really really excited for this year's season. I think it's cuz I actually know what to expect, and I know what to do, and what I can do. Last year as a rookie, I was still unsure of my skills and what I was capable of doing, still exploring. But this year, I know what my role is and I'm ready to fulfill it. I'm still exploring, but I also know a lot more. Still need to work on throws, and not traveling since I've been doing that a lot of my forehands. But my pulls are getting a lot better. :) That's very exciting.

Well, I REALLY REALLY need to study. Bleh. Out.

What have I accomplished? What have I done? If I died today, would my friends be sad? Would I be proud of who I am? Would I have done all that I wanted? I think I'm a little ashamed of who I am right now. But there is no better time to change.

I was walking alone pretty late the other night, and realized that pretty much reflected my life. I'm pretty lonely right now without a sense of direction. I've turned away from God, and I really need to find my way back. I need Him to give me guidance. I miss the days in high school where I felt so weak but I realize with Him nothing is impossible and He gave me the strength to live each day. I need to strive for that reliance on His strength. I don't want to be alone anymore. I want to be walking those streets with God by my side, giving me a purpose, guiding me through life. I can't do this alone.

So God, please enter my life again, please show me your love, your guidance, your power, your strength, your everything. I need you. Let me realize that I need you. I remember almost two years ago when I broke down and cried and realized that I should not be focusing on my own will, but on yours. I want that realization again. I remember when each night before bed, I would pray and thank you for every person you place in my life and blessing me through each day. I want that again. I want to crave you, I want to be hungry for you. I want you. I want your love. I NEED your love. Help me realize that and seek out for it actively.

This is the start of a change. And hopefully, soon for now, I can look at myself and be completely proud of myself and direction that my life is going. Only God has the strength to do that, and I pray that He does.

This is my prayer.